Hibernation Mode
"Ang Maynila, magulo, nakakapagod, hindi komportable. Minsan nga dahil sa ingay hindi mo marinig ang sarili mo."
That walking-by-the-seaside Manila conversation of Lolo and the kids from Ploning really got me.
I am greatly considering moving back to Cagayan or Baguio. Maybe I'll feel less like shit if I do so.
I spent the past few weeks in 'hibernation mode' where my routine consisted of going to work and then going straight home after. I can't seem to remember the last time I went out to see my friends.
I spend my time watching movies, series, backing up photos, covering years old purchased books waiting to be read, reading books, and just lying in bed. I only go out to buy food once or twice on weekends, that's walking two streets from where I live. I turned my room squeaky clean. It was like 2009 all over again. That's when there's still no internet at home, and all I did was lie in my bed and read. Except now, I lie in bed and just lay there for several minutes and sometimes listen to music and just stare at the ceiling, until I fall sleep.
I wanted solitude. I wanted to clear my mind of things. I wanted to get away from everything for as long as I can. I preferred sleeping in, than going out with friends. I'm not depressed. I'm lonely but not depressed. It's silly. I can't even identify what's really bothering me. Although, I think it's all rooted with work. I'm deeply unsatisfied with my life and I'm blaming it on the kind of job that I have. Everyone has moved on and moved up and I'm still here in this hell hole. I feel like shit. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the way out of this hell hole.
I know I'm being too hard on myself, but I can't help but think how at 25, I failed myself.
That walking-by-the-seaside Manila conversation of Lolo and the kids from Ploning really got me.
I am greatly considering moving back to Cagayan or Baguio. Maybe I'll feel less like shit if I do so.
I spent the past few weeks in 'hibernation mode' where my routine consisted of going to work and then going straight home after. I can't seem to remember the last time I went out to see my friends.
I spend my time watching movies, series, backing up photos, covering years old purchased books waiting to be read, reading books, and just lying in bed. I only go out to buy food once or twice on weekends, that's walking two streets from where I live. I turned my room squeaky clean. It was like 2009 all over again. That's when there's still no internet at home, and all I did was lie in my bed and read. Except now, I lie in bed and just lay there for several minutes and sometimes listen to music and just stare at the ceiling, until I fall sleep.
I wanted solitude. I wanted to clear my mind of things. I wanted to get away from everything for as long as I can. I preferred sleeping in, than going out with friends. I'm not depressed. I'm lonely but not depressed. It's silly. I can't even identify what's really bothering me. Although, I think it's all rooted with work. I'm deeply unsatisfied with my life and I'm blaming it on the kind of job that I have. Everyone has moved on and moved up and I'm still here in this hell hole. I feel like shit. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the way out of this hell hole.
I know I'm being too hard on myself, but I can't help but think how at 25, I failed myself.
